Words women use

[Sphinx]

Something to keep in mind guys...... ;)

1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

5. Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6. That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you’re welcome.

8. Whatever: Is a woman’s way of saying F@!K YOU!

9. Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking “What’s wrong?” For the woman’s response, refer to #3.

[Ben]

I like the way a woman can "admit" you were wrong. :)

[Quark]

I'd be careful Ben, we could be treading on dangerous ground. It might be a trap. see #1.

[Ben]

Oh yeah , very similar :D

[Gentle Giant]

This one doesn't mention one that is not a word: the silent treatment. That is scary.

[Cold War Kid]

This entire thread is a trap!

[Ayup]

Men should always remember that the woman always has the last word.
Anything said by the man after this is the start of a whole new argument.

[Central Scrutinizer]

I don't know IK, this might be one of the most informative threads. About real life that is.

[Hua Mulan]

WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.

An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."


W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.

The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men... The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"


CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.

The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.

God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;

God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"


WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."

The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."

Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."

Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS"


THE SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,

"Please wake me at 5:00 AM."

He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

[Phantom]

I'll have to remember that ones about "Hebrews" next time someone wakes me up to go make his coffee in the morning.

[Paikea]

SC, they are some of the best I've heard yet! 'Especially like the last one.
QUALITY:D

[Top Gun]

Yah, Best we go to our shed guys, we are a bit outclassed here!:1k:

[Miyuki]

^^enter at your own risk.

[Paikea]

On that note Miyuki!

"Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with.":p


Pai

[Paikea]

Here are some other things gals have answers to.;)

Remember, these are jokes. So no harm intended!

How many men does it take to tile a bathroom?
One, but you may have to slice him quite thin.

Why are men like parking spaces?
The good ones are taken, and the ones left are all handicapped.

Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be hell.

What did God say after he created man?
"I can do better than this" and he made woman.

Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.

Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
Because only one in 100 million have the sense to stop and ask for directions.

Why are men are like horoscopes?
they always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.

Why is needing a man is like needing a parachute?
If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.

If we cannot laugh at ouselves, what is the point!?:D

[Jessica]

A picture is worth a thousand words. For women's home repair jobs:

http://antifraudintl.org/imagehosting/147b8078f897fe.jpg

[Kit Kat]

Too bad that shoe doesn't come in a pair.

[Jessica]

Careful when you say that guys.

http://antifraudintl.org/imagehosting/48648a52202c6c0b.jpg