Dumb Jokes

[Gentle Giant]

I guess we had to do it sooner or later. (I thought this one up so consider it copyrighted)

A snake goes in to see his psychiatrist. He crawls up onto the couch and the doctor starts asking him questions about what brings the snake to his office.

"Well," says the snake, "it's this new computer of mine. A friend of mine, a gila monster, got me this new computer for my birthday. I thought it would be really nice, you know, to do email, keep in touch with my snake buddies, catch up on the news, you know..."

The psychiatrist says "And do you think that's wrong? Do you have a problem with that?"

The snake says, "Well, doc, the problem is, I just can't work the keyboard. No matter what I do, I can't turn it on, I can't type, I can't open any programs."

The psychiatrist thinks for a minute then says, "Well, I think that you are suffering from a new syndrome which has only been recently diagnosed. It can be treated but it is difficult."

The snake says, "Great doc. What's wrong with me?"

"It's simple" says the psychiatrist. "You suffer from what we call e-Reptile dysfunction".

[De Master Yoda]

If you thought this up then it is quite a good one!
Not a real classic but a very good attempt!

[Ben]

That's funny but he's not saying

[Quark]

A horse goes into a bar.

The bartender says, "hey, why the long face?"

[De Master Yoda]

Thanks S Y !
Here is another one!
I had a near death experience that has changed me forever.
The other day I went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control. I tried with all my might to hang on, but was thrown off
Just when things could not possibly get worse, my foot gets caught in the stirrup. When this happened, I fell head first to the ground. My head continued to bounce harder as the horse did not stop or even slow down. Just as I was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the store manager came and unplugged it. Thank Goodness for heroes!

[leroy7]

Here's a good one. 3 guys are on plane losing alttitude when the pilot gives the news to bail out before the plane crashes. The only problem: there are just 3 chutes. 2 grab chutes and go leaving the pilot and a boy scout. The pilot tells the scout to take the remaining chute as he has his whole life before him. The scout says no, somebody grabbed my back-pack so we both get a chute. Lol.,leroy7

[Nanook]

I heard this one in a variation^^

The Pope, Bill Gates, and a hippie are on an airplane going down. There's only 2 parachutes. Bill Gates says, "Well, I'm the smartest and richest man in world so I should definitely have one of these parachutes because I'm really important". He grabs one and jumps. The Pope says to the hippie, "You take this my son. I've lived a long and good life, and if God is ready for me, I'm ready for Him". The hippie says, "Woh. Chill dude. The smartest guy in the world just jumped out of the plane with my backpack".

[Ben]

About the saying that " girls can't tell jokes " ...well now's a chance to prove that saying wrong .............................
any offers gals ?

[Paikea]

OK then guys here goes! Don’t know if this is clean enough?
Oh and no insults intended.

Irish guy, English guy, French guy and a Jewish guy go into a pub. They get chatting with one of the locals. As guys being guys they want some fun. So they start checking out the talent and spot this gal in the corner, they ask the local about her!
Well he says, “She’ll do anything for a tenner”!
So the Irish guy says: “You know we Irish are great lovers and know how to tickle their fancies”. He approaches her and says: “I hear you’ll do anything for a tenner”! She says “that’s right”.
He says, “ok you’d better get on your knees and give us a service”.
She says, “no problem”, and they leave the together to do the deed.
On his return the Irish guy says, “You’ll be wanting to try her services, just amazing”!

The English guy and the French guy argue their piece about being the greatest lovers and how the ladies prefer their lovemaking abilities to guys from other continents, so one by one have their time with her. Finally it’s the Jewish guys turn. As he approaches her he says, “ach, I hear you’ll do anything for ten pounds”. She says, “that’s right” sweetly smiling at him. He promptly replies, “Well, paint my house”!

[Ben]

Humm......
I'm not so sure about letting a woman paint my house...
have I missed something here ?