Blonde jokes

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by Gentle Giant, Jun 26, 2007.

  1. Gentle Giant

    Gentle Giant Giant Admin for a Day Staff Member

    OK. No offense to anyone's hair color, but some of them are, well, humorous. And yes, we do have some blond members here, but they also have a sense of humor, and I will not mention any names. Besides, some of my best family members are blondes.

    So heeeeerrrrrreeeee we go.

    Q: What do you call ten blondes lined up, side by side, in a row?
    A: A wind tunnel.
     
  2. Kat

    Kat Administrator Staff Member

    Ahem. Some people can't help being blonde.
     
  3. Top Gun

    Top Gun Ninja

    Again no offence it is just a joke

    A blonde goes into a shop and says to the salesman " I would like to buy that television in the window" he says sorry we do not serve blondes in here! this makes the blonde angry so she goes out and buys a black wig.
    Upon re-entering the shop, she again asks the salesman who is facing away from her. "I would like to buy that tv in the window"
    without turning around or looking at her he says "we do not serve blondes in here"
    This makes the blonde even angrier so she says "you have not even looked at me how do you know I am a blonde??

    He says "BECAUSE IT IS A MICROWAVE"
     
  4. jan

    jan New Member

    okey time to bring out the big guns :D lolol



    The Brunette, Blonde And Red Head
    Do The Breaststroke


    There was a competition to swim from Santa Monica to Catalina
    Doing only the breaststroke
    The only three women who entered the race were a Brunette
    A Redhead and a Blonde

    After approximately 14 hours, the Blonde staggered up on the shore
    She was declared the fastest breaststroker

    About 40 minutes later, the Redhead crawled declared the second place finisher

    Nearly 4 hours after that, the Brunette finally came ashore
    And promptly collapsed in front of the worried onlookers

    When the reporters asked why it took her so long to complete the race

    She replied
    "I don't want to sound like I'm a sore loser
    But I think those two other girls were using their arms"




    The brunette had been married about a year
    One day the she came running up to her husband, jumping for joy
    He didn't know how to react
    So he started jumping up and down along with her

    "Why are we so happy?" he asked
    She said, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!"
    "Great" he said, "tell me what you're so happy about"
    She stopped, breathless from all the jumping up and down
    "I'm pregnant!" she gasped

    The husband was ecstatic as they had been trying for quite a while
    He grabbed her, and kissed her
    "Wow, that is wonderful," "I couldn't be happier"

    Then she said, "Oh, honey there's more"
    "What do you mean more?", he asked
    "Well we are not having just one baby, we are going to have TWINS!"

    He was amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant
    "How do you that," he asked

    "It was easy," she said
    "I went to the pharmacy and bought the 2 pack home pregnancy test kit"
    "Both tests came out positive!"





    Q. What's black and blue and brown and laying in a ditch?
    A. A brunette who's told too many blonde jokes

    Q. What's the real reason a brunette keeps her figure?
    A. No one else wants it

    Q. What do you call a brunette in a room full of blondes?
    A. Invisible

    Q. What's a brunette's mating call?
    A. "Has the blonde left yet?"

    Q. What do brunettes miss most about a great party?
    A. The invitation

    Q. What do you call a good looking man with a brunette?
    A. A hostage

    Q. Why are brunettes so proud of their hair?
    A. It matches their mustache

    Q. Why are most brunettes flatchested?
    A. It makes it easier to read their T-shirt

    Q. Why do brunettes like their dark hair color?
    A. It doesn't show the dirt

    Q. Why is brunette considered an evil color?
    A. When was the last time you saw a blonde witch?

    Q. Why didn't Indians scalp brunettes?
    A. The hair from a buffalo's butt was more manageable

    Q. Who makes bras for brunettes?
    A. Fisher-Price

    Q. Is it tru blonds have more fun?
    A. No, they have ALL the fun

    Q. How can you tell a brunette is lonely?
    A. Check her for a pulse

    Q. What is the most frustrated animal in the world?
    A. A brunette rabbit

    Q.Why do brunettes wear training bras?
    A. Because it's cheaper than changing their bandaids everyday

    Q. What's the difference between a brunette and the trash?
    A. At least the trash gets taken out once a week

    Q. Why does it take 5 brunettes to change a light bulb ?
    A. To help out the blonde that's been tryin' for weeks

    Q. What's a brunette that has dyed her hair ?
    A. Artificial intelligence

    Q. How do you recognize a brunette at the airport?
    A. She's the one throwing bread at the airplanes

    Q. Why does a brunette have a see-through lunchbox?
    A. To know whether she's coming from or going to the office

    Q. Why does a brunette have curtains on her PC?
    A. To open windows

    Q. Why does a brunette throw water on her keyboard?
    A. To surf the internet

    Q. Why was the first football stadium sketched out on a brunette's chest?
    A. Because they needed a level playing field

    Q. Why do brunettes put ice in their nose before they go to work?
    A. So their lunch won't spoil

    Q. How did Revlon come up with it's brunette hair color?
    A. By studying what oil spills did to seaweed

    Q. Why can't brunettes `tease' their hair?
    A. Because it's not funny

    Q. How can a brunette get lost in a crowd of three?
    A. It's easy... if one-third of the crowd is blonde


    janxxx .................BLONDE :p :p
     
  5. De Master Yoda

    De Master Yoda Administrator Staff Member

    A Male Blonde joke!

    Now I just know we would be in trouble from our Jan if I did not post a MALE Blonde joke! so here it is!:p

    And folks this is a true story I know cos I was that cowboy !!! :spudnikcowboy1:
    Subject: blonde men exist

    The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a blonde cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun and his boots, so he arrests him for indecent exposure.
    As he is locking him up, he asks "Why in the world are you dressed like this?
    The Cowboy says, "Well it's like this Sheriff .. I was in the bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her....so I did.

    We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt....so I did.

    Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants....so I did.

    Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts....so I did.
    Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says,

    "Now go to town cowboy....".

    And here I am.

    Son of a Gun, Blonde Men do exist.
     
  6. Gentle Giant

    Gentle Giant Giant Admin for a Day Staff Member

    @ DMY

    I think I met that guy at a bar in Gallup, New Mexico....:)
     
  7. Gentle Giant

    Gentle Giant Giant Admin for a Day Staff Member

    2 blondes walk into a bar.

    Well, you'd think that one of them would've seen it!
     
  8. Miyuki

    Miyuki Administratrix Staff Member

    She is so blond she bought a solar-powered flashlight.
     
  9. Spanish Administrator

    Spanish Administrator THE Spanish Administrator Staff Member

    She was so blonde that on the bottom of the job application where it said "Sign Here" she wrote "Pices".
     
  10. Quark

    Quark Moderator Staff Member

    A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch some sleep.

    The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa."

    Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00."

    This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

    The lawyer asks the first question : "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer.

    "Okay" says the lawyer, your turn.

    She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"

    The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and co-workers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00. The blonde says, "Thank you !" and turns back to get some more sleep.

    The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks: "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.
     
  11. Spanish Administrator

    Spanish Administrator THE Spanish Administrator Staff Member

    Blonde Police?

    The blonde police officer tells her, "It's that thing with your picture on it."

    The blonde driver searches for a few more seconds, pulls out her compact, opens it and sure enough sees herself. She hands the compact to the blonde cop.

    After a few seconds looking at the compact, the blonde cop rolls her eyes, hands the compact back to the blonde convertible driver and says, "If you would have told me you were a police officer when I first pulled you over we could have avoided this whole thing."
     
  12. Top Gun

    Top Gun Ninja

    The Revenge of the blonde

    A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title, and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

    Two weeks later, the blonde returns and repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely; but we are a little puzzled. We checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is - why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"


    The blond replies....."Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
     
  13. Get ready to run!

    A lot of drinks.
    A very dark bar.

    He leans over to the big woman
    next to him and says,
    "Do you wanna hear a funny blonde joke?"

    The big woman replies,
    "Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something.
    Sure, I'm blonde, and six feet tall, 210 lbs. and I'm a professional triathlete and bodybuilder.
    The blonde woman sitting next to me is 6' 2" and 220 lbs;
    she's an ex-pro wrestler.
    Next to her is a blonde
    who's 6' 5",weighs 250 lbs.,
    and she's a kick boxer professional.
    Now, do you still want to tell that blonde joke?"

    The guy blinks, swallows, and thinks about it for a second
    then says;







    "No, not if I'm going to have to explain it three times."!
     
  14. De Master Yoda

    De Master Yoda Administrator Staff Member

    From a blonde lady I know.

    FUNNY!!

    Blonde Cookbook

    It's fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.

    Tom wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Tom brought a friend home for supper

    A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kind of silly but I took a bath anyway. I can't say it improved the rice any.

    Today Tom asked for salad again so I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients; lay on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Tom asked me why I was rolling around in the garden..

    I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put the ingredients in a bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.

    Tom did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. I don't have any clothes that fit it, and for some reason Tom keeps counting to ten.

    Tom's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast but all I had was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius.. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment.


    GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY. This has been a very exciting week! I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Tom. If I can talk Tom into buying a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with a chocolate moose.
     
  15. De Master Yoda

    De Master Yoda Administrator Staff Member

    The Blonde and The Heart Attack!

    The Blonde and The Heart Attack!

    A blonde gets home early from shopping and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. She rushes upstairs to find her husband naked on the bed,sweating and panting.

    "What's up?" she asks.

    "I'm having a heart attack," cries the husband.

    The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she's dialing,her four-year-old son comes up and says, "Mommy! Mommy!
    Aunt Shirley is hiding in your closet, and she's got no clothes on!"

    The blonde slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom,right past her husband, and rips open the closet door.Sure enough, there is her sister, totally naked and cowering on the closet floor.

    "You rotten bitch," she screams.

    "My husband's having a heart attack, and
    you're running around naked scaring the kids!!"
     
  16. Sphinx

    Sphinx Administrator Staff Member

  17. Garreg Ddu

    Garreg Ddu Gweinyddwr Staff Member

    OK, my wife is a red-head so I'm allowed to tell blonde jokes.

    Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?

    A: Shine a flashlight in her ear.
     
  18. IM A GOOD GURL

    IM A GOOD GURL Samurai

    Laugh At This 1

    Three women decide to go camping...a redhead, a brunette, and OF COURSE, a blonde! On the 4th night out, they run out of food, so the redhead grabs a rifle and leaves the camp after dusk. Next morning, the other two wake up and see the redhead skinning a deer! Brunette screams in delight..."where the helk did you find that?" redhead says simply, "found the tracks, followed them, shot the deer!"
    That night, the brunette takes the rifle and leaves the camp after dark. Next morning, the redhead and blonde wake up to find the brunette skinning an elk. Redhead shrieks, "where the --- did you find THAT??" Brunette says "shone the flashlight, saw the tracks,followed them, shot the elk!!" Blonde just stood there in utter amazement!
    That night, blonde sneaks out of the camp after dark!! Next morning the brunette and redhead wake to the sound of whimpering. They get out of the tent, only to find the blonde all bloody, scratched to hell, bruised and battered, clothes ripped to absolute shreds!! Redhead screams "What the HELL happened to YOU??" Blonde replies...
    Found the tracks...
    Followed the tracks...


    GOT HIT BY THE DAMN TRAIN!!!!!
     
  19. Kat

    Kat Administrator Staff Member

    Q: Did you hear about the blonde who attempted to drive to Disney World?

    A: She saw a sign saying: "Disney World Left" so she went home.
     
  20. De Master Yoda

    De Master Yoda Administrator Staff Member

    Cardboard Men

    Cardboard Men

    A car gets a flat on the interstate one day.
    The blonde driver eases it over onto the shoulder of the road, carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk.
    She takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing on coming traffic.
    The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies and private parts to approaching drivers.
    !
    Not surprisingly, the traffic becomes snarled and backed up.
    It isn't very long before a police car arrives.
    The officer, clearly enraged, approaches the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling, 'What's going on here?'
    'My car broke down, officer' says the woman calmly.
    'Well, what the hell are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?' he asks.
    'Helllooooooo!! !!' says the blonde.
    'Those are my emergency flashers!'
     

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