Dumb Jokes

De Master Yoda

Emeritus
Chicken Surprise

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the 'Chicken Surprise.'
The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.


Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly.
And she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.


'Good grief, did you see that?' she asks her husband.

He hadn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down.

Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.

'Please sir,' says the waiter, 'what did you order?'


The husband replies, 'Chicken Surprise.'

You're going to hate yourself for loving this!............... )
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'Ah! very sorry,' says the waiter, 'I brought you Peeking Duck!'
 

De Master Yoda

Emeritus
A heart warming story.

A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road one afternoon.

All of a sudden the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmers field.

The old farmer went over to investigate.

He then proceeded to dig a hole and buried the lot of them.

Few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and asked the old farmer: "Were they all dead...??"

The old farmer replied: "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know the politicians ... and the lies they tell ... !!!"
 

De Master Yoda

Emeritus
A wealthy Arab Sheik was admitted to hospital for heart surgery, but prior
to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his type of blood in case the
need arose.
As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so,
the call went out.
Finally a Scotsman was located who had a similar blood type.
The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab.
After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman in appreciation for giving his
blood, a new BMW, five carats of diamonds, and $50,000 dollars.
A couple of days later, once again, the Arab had to go through a corrective
surgery.
The hospital telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate more
of his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a
box of Black Magic chocolates.
The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture
as he had before.
He phoned the Arab and asked him: "I thought you would be generous again,
that you would give me another BMW, diamonds and money... but you only gave
me a thank-you card and a box of chocolates."
To this the Arab replied: "Aye laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in ma
veins".
 

De Master Yoda

Emeritus
A Christmas tale.


It had been a rough day for Santa clause. On the night before Christmas one of his reindeer called in sick, The sled was broken and not packed. And he was feeling ill.

In comes a fairy carrying the Christmas tree saying "Oy fatty, yes you with the stupid fake whiskers and the bad breath where do you want me to stick this tree?


And so began the tradition of the fairy stuck on top of the tree! :cautious:
 

toper01

Moderator
Staff member
RIP Ronnie Corbett 'A man was marooned on a desert island. One day a beautiful woman arrives in a wet suit. ‘When did you last have a smoke?’ she asks. ‘Five years ago.’ So she gets out a cigar and he smokes it. She unzips her wet suit a bit and says, ‘When did you last have a drink?’ He said, ‘Five years ago.’ So she gets out a bottle of Scotch and he has a drink. Then she unzips her wet suit a bit more and says, ‘And when was the last time you played around?’ He looks at her in amazement and says: ‘You’re not telling me you’ve got a set of golf clubs in there?'
ron6.jpg
 

Spanish Admin

THE Spanish Administrator
Staff member
A small, insignificant, inward-looking island in the north Atlantic played a football game, and were beaten by Iceland......
 

De Master Yoda

Emeritus
A businessman in the first class cabin decided to chat up the drop dead,

gorgeous flight attendant: “What is your name?”

Flight Attendant: “Angela Benz, sir”

Businessman: “Lovely name . . . Any relation to Mercedes Benz?”

Flight Attendant: “Yes sir, very close”

Businessman: “How close?”

Flight Attendant: “Same price".
 

De Master Yoda

Emeritus
During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?"

"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No" he said. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"
 
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